In recent weeks, I’ve been managing a very high level of stress, anxiety, instability, and a fear of the unknown which unfortunately feeds directly into depression and a state of restlessness. I was musing yesterday, mid-cry, that it feels as though my parents generation have birthed a generation of individuals who struggle acutely with anxiety, loss of self-confidence, self-doubt, depression, and are unwillingly administered a daily supplement of existential dread.
When I feel lost to toxicity in my workplace, and spiral on my own lifestyle that’s rife with personal and familial health issues (someday I may open up more), and wonder why I have so much trouble getting out of my current job, I see a strange clarity in that so many of my peers also suffer from these feelings. But what are we to do about it? Besides going to therapy, which has been incredibly beneficial for me, and trying to “make good choices” and “smile more” – sometimes it truly feels like we’ve lost. Like we’ve somehow missed out on the clear path of life that somehow our parents seemed to have and exceed in.
We are weighed down by their expectations and their non-understanding of how the world has changed. We’re told, sometimes, that maybe we should just “not be sad” or just “apply to more jobs” as if the jobs presented to us were of any value in the long-run, or that we could even compete with the 50,000 other people applying to it because of all the layoffs. We aren’t just competing with peers at our same level, we’re competing with senior level and C-suite people. How could that not strike fear in the heart of an individual?
And if applying to a new job isn’t anxiety-inducing enough, we’re still dealing with the toxicity in our current job, and are imagining how the new job may be better or if we’ll get laid off there…. You know – the mental gymnastics we put ourselves through before we’ve even had an interview. But how to pierce the looming cloud of insecurity? It feels like a question of the ages.
While I don’t dream of labor, I would love a job where I could breathe. Breathe without thinking that I’m not enough, breathe without thinking that something will go wrong, breathe without thinking that this place, too, will be a nightmare after so many years. I deserve happiness. I told myself this 6 years ago. I struggled with job-related despair for so long in my life, it seems like the scales have weighed too heavy on despair for too long – even despite the first 3 years of my career at Ubisoft were in a positive-neutral light. I deserve happiness. My peers deserve happiness. When will there be a reckoning for those who mistreat others? And, how do we make a change?
See here, the Vagabond For Honey 